20 Dependable Holiday Stress Busters

20 Dependable Holiday Stress Busters

I have a theory regarding holiday stress: In the month of December, high levels of Cortisol (stress hormone) turn 80 percent of the population into fruitcakes — just like the stale one delivered to your house yesterday.

Because on top of adding 675 things to your to-do list, you’ve now got to deal with the strained relationship with your dad and two brothers. Bummer.

Here, then, are my tips to keep your stress down a notch, so that you don’t turn into a fruitcake or hurl the mistletoe at an obnoxious relative.

1. Simplify

Cut your to-do list in half. In December??? Yep. Keep on asking yourself this question: Will I die tomorrow if this thing doesn’t get done?

2. Prioritize.

Santa needs to put something under the tree for maybe your daughter, mother, husband, and two best friends. He need not use plastic for 300 of your closest friends and their cousins.

3. Stay flexible.

When it comes to the holidays, you had better be amenable to last-minute changes. Because the honey-baked ham you bought for Christmas won’t work for your brother’s Muslim girlfriend and her extended family of 14. Call 1-800-Turkeys?

4. Give away the Santa hat.

I know it’s tempting to believe that you can be 35 places at the same time just like the white-bearded dude. Alas, you can’t. So give your Santa hat to Goodwill and try not to double book. Triple booking is absolutely prohibited.

5. Get some elves.

Santa sure does know how to delegate, with all those elves working for him. Imitate him! Find a young, poor, desperate person and ask him what he would accept (plastic … your coin collection … your kid’s old toys) as payment to do one of your jobs. Then seal the deal.

6. Persevere

“The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.” — Author Unknown

7. Don’t rush the process

Only in struggling to emerge from a small hole in the cocoon does a butterfly form wings strong enough to fly. Should you try to help a butterfly by tearing open the cocoon, the poor thing won’t sprout wings, or if it does, its friends will make fun of it.

8. Protect yourself

Avoid the highly educated relative who might tell you “all things happen for a reason” or that you somehow attracted this disappointment with the wrong thoughts. Build an imaginary bubble and hide inside.

9. Stay big

Newspaper columnist Ann Landers once wrote, “Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high. Look it squarely in the eye, and say, “I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.” For once in your life, the bigger you are the better!

10. Allow cracks

A crack in your marriage, career, or personal plans doesn’t mean that your life is broken. According to Canadian singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen, “There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

11. Write about it

Recent research by Dr. James Pennebaker, chair of the psychology program at the University of Texas, has concluded that writing about painful feelings and emotional events relieves stress and promotes healing on many levels. So keep a journal.

12. Back up

Sometimes you can’t make sense of a picture until you back up. Up close all you see is dots … lots of them in different shapes and colours. But with some distance the painting comes alive. It tells a story.

13. Stand up again.

A Japanese proverb says, “fall seven times, stand up eight.” Notice there is no mention of sitting down when you’re tired or crawling when you’re scared.

14. Join the race

That’s the human race I’m talking about. Because no one is perfect. The human experience is an exercise in collecting disappointments and mistakes, ruminating on them for a little bit, and turning them into wisdom.

15. Take the fork

Yogi Berra once said, “When you come to the fork in the road, take it” … meaning: it doesn’t matter which direction you choose as long as you keep moving.

16. Start over

Every disappointment is an opportunity to start over. A white piece of paper. And if this time you still can’t colour within the lines, you get another blank sheet, as many new beginnings as you want.

17. Be gentle

Don’t scream at yourself. Speak to yourself with loving kindness, the same way you would to your friend who was just dealt a big, fat, unfair blow.

18. Get directions

Oprah Winfrey was taken off the air in Baltimore at the start of her career, when she was given a shot at a talk show. Says Oprah: “I have learned that failure is really life’s way of saying, ‘Excuse me, you’re moving in the wrong direction’.”

19. Dance in the rain

My mum once told me, “You can’t wait for the storm to be over. You have to learn how to dance in the rain.”

20. Believe in miracles and hang on to hope

I’ve witnessed enough miracles in my life to know they happen — usually when I least expect it.

And there is one thing that never, ever disappoints — hope. Hold on to it forever.

 

10 Tools for Dealing with Holiday Depression

10 Tools for Dealing with Holiday Depression

How to keep the seasonal blues at bay

There has been a long standing myth that suicide rates increase over the holiday season. According to the Mayo Clinic, this is completely false. What is true is that the rates of depression and stress do increase. Here are ten solid tools to help you and deal if Santa also brings you some holiday blues.

1. Keep your expectations balanced. You won’t get everything you want, things will go wrong, and you won’t feel like Bing Crosby singing “White Christmas." Remember that everything doesn't have to be perfect and don't worry about things that are out of your control.
2. Don’t try to do too much. Fatigue, over-scheduling, and taking on too many tasks can dampen your spirits. Learn to say no, delegate as much as possible and manage your time wisely. If you choose to do less you will have more energy to enjoy the most important part of the season—friends and family.
3. Don’t isolate. If you’re feeling left out, then get out of the house and find some way to join in. There are hundreds of places you can go to hear music, enjoy the sights or help those less fortunate.
4. Don’t overspend. Create a reasonable budget and stick to it. Remember it’s not about the presents, it’s about the presence.
5. It’s appropriate to mourn if you’re separated from or have lost loved ones. If you can’t be with those you love make plans to celebrate again when you can all be together.
6. Many people suffer depression due to a lack of sunlight because of being stuck inside  and bad whether. Using a full spectrum lamp for twenty minutes a day can lessen this type of depression, called SAD (seasonal affectiveness disorder).
7. Watch your diet and remember to exercise. It’s normal to eat more during the holidays, but be aware of how certain foods affect your mood. If you eat fats and sweets, you will have less energy, which can make you feel more stressed and run down. It can be very helpful to take a walk before and/or after a big holiday meal.
8. Be aware of the Post-Holiday Syndrome. When all the hustle and bustle suddenly stops and you have to get back to the daily grind, it can be a real let down. Ease out of all the fun by planning a rest day toward the end of the season.
9. Plan ahead. Many people don't go to the mall after Thanksgiving to avoid shopping stress and others do much of their party prep in advance.
10. Learn forgiveness and acceptance. If some of your relatives have always acted out or made you feel bad, chances are that won’t change. If you know what you're getting into, it will be easier to not let them push your buttons. If things get uncomfortable, go to a movie or for a drive and adjust your attitude.

May the holidays bring you all the love and joy they can, and may the true meaning of the season touch your heart.

Coping with tne New Year blues this Christmas.

Coping with the New Year blues this Christmas

Chair of Mental Health at UniSA, Professor Nicholas Procter, says Christmas is a special opportunity for family and friends to re-connect with people - some of who have mental health problems and mental illness, as a means of building resilience to self harm in the New Year.

Professor Procter says there is a common misconception suicide rates increase at Christmas but research indicates it’s in fact early in the New Year where people are more susceptible to self harm and likely to end their life by suicide.

“The evidence suggests that at Christmas relatives and friends are more likely to visit and reach out so often the family becomes a bigger part of one’s life at this time,” he says. “Social and family connectedness is a known protective factor for suicide.”

“Positive efforts of church and charity groups to provide support, special dinners, free presents for children and other social events such as Christmas carols in public places are an effective buffer in helping to alleviate deep social isolation that may be experienced around Christmas.

Professor Procter says self harm and suicide is more likely to take place in the New Year but more study is required as to why this is the case.

“International evidence indicates there are fewer suicide attempts than expected before Christmas and nearly 40 per cent more than expected after, especially on New Year's Day,” he says.

“We can really only draw some inferences on this and the possibilities include some kind of postponement mechanism arising after the Christmas and New Year period, where motivation and opportunity is high at a time of decreased social connectedness.

“Further research is needed to understand the complex interplay between psychosocial and individual factors, as well as known risk factors for suicide.

Although fewer people may self harm at Christmas, Professor Procter says despite the protective barrier provided at Christmas time there will still be many who will exhibit self-harm and suicidal behaviour.

“There is always the group of people, albeit smaller in number who, for a range of complex reasons, have such a strong intent to die that the Christmas/New Year holiday is not significant enough in itself to act as a protective factor,” he says.

“For this group the desire to end their life by suicide is so powerful, they believe that completing the act means they will no longer be a burden to themselves, their family or others.”

If you are concerned for the mental health of a friend or family member Professor Procter suggests:

§     Reach out to people who you know are isolated and vulnerable.

§     Let them know you care and that they are important to you.

§     Try starting a conversation with the person, telling them you are concerned.

§     Help them come around to the idea that while many people can feel this way when faced with a crisis, there are options and their safety is most important.

§     A ‘no secrets’ policy is critical, never agree to keep someone’s suicidal thoughts a secret.

To get a better understanding of the person’s risk you could ask the following questions:

What: do you have a suicide plan?

How: Do you have access to the means to end your life?

When: Have you set aside a time to complete suicide?

The above tips have been adapted from livingisforeveryone.com.au

Anyone with suicidal thoughts can call Lifeline on 131 114 or Kids Helpline 1800 551 800 or for more information on mental illness visit the Beyond Blue website.

9 Ways to Have a Simpler but More Satisfying Holiday

Let’s face it: We tend to over-complicate the holidays and put a lot of pressure on ourselves (and possibly others) in the process.

“People often have an image of how the holidays should be,” And those shoulds usually translate into pursuit of the perfect holiday. We try to find the perfect presents or plan the perfect parties. And since perfection is impossible, all we end up doing is getting disappointed and stressing ourselves out.

Keeping things simple this holiday season can help you stave off stress and focus on what counts. Each person may have a different idea of what a simple holiday looks like, depending on your traditions, family life and financial situation.

But we can probably all agree that a simple holiday is one with fewer obligations and headaches and more relaxation and joy. Here are nine ways to enjoy just that.

1. Don’t take the holidays so seriously.

Realistically, a lot can go wrong during the holidays. But instead of getting distressed and being disappointed, “keep a sense of perspective and humour about the madness of parking lot traffic jams, weird in-law vibes, crazed children jacked up on sugar and other stimulants, packed stores, long lines, credit card denials, you name it

2. Focus on what’s truly important.

Sometimes, we get wrapped up in the superficial parts of the holidays. Take gift shopping, which is a big stressor and another way we complicate life for ourselves. “Rather than feel guilty if you’re not buying your child a Nintendo 3DS or surprising your mate with a special extravagance, step back and look for the deeper meaning of your celebration,” That deeper meaning lies in our relationships. “That’s because science shows that relationships are the key to happiness, regardless of your income,”, “How can I use the holidays to strengthen my relationships with others?”

Also, you might focus on other holiday perks like the time off and profound principles like gratitude, generosity and the religious and spiritual aspects (if they’re significant to you).

3. Simplify gift-giving.

It’s the simple things—not extravagant gifts—that can help you deepen your connections with others. Giving loved ones framed photos (that include those family members or friends) or writing personal letters. “Tell them what they mean to you, or thank them for what they’ve given you,” she said. “It’s a keepsake they’ll treasure longer than a sweater.”

4. Have potluck dinners.

People have potlucks with their friends and family. Not only do these events provide the opportunity to connect and make memories, but because everyone is pitching in, you only need to make one or two dishes. (That makes it great for trimming your to-do list!)

5. Commit to less.

The fewer commitments you make, the simpler your holiday will be—especially when you consider that you’re piling on activities and tasks to what’s likely an already full plate. Don’t worry about disappointing others if you can’t make it to a certain event or prepare a special dish. Overextending yourself just leaves you more stressed. (And a lot less fun to be around!)

6. Volunteer.

“Giving to others and building a community strengthens your feelings of connection and your sense of happiness,” And it’s a simple way of making a big difference.

7. Ease your obligations.

Each year many of us feel obligated to take on tasks like mailing greeting cards and getting the perfect holiday photos. But if these activities stress you out, do what feels better.

“Could you skip it this year or send a Happy New Year card or postcard instead?” (This will buy you more time.) Or “How about a holiday letter posted online for your friends and family to view?” That’s much easier than writing and addressing countless cards.

In other words, “Give yourself permission to not do something if it feels like a major drain,” And if you want to do it, find solutions to make it less stressful.

8. Outsource.

Remember that you don’t have to do everything yourself. “Ask others to pick up their fair share of the additional tasks,” And consider if you can hire someone for the other stuff, such as cleaning, cooking, organizing or decorating.

For instance, a neighbour’s mother loves for her house to be decorated every year for Christmas. But she doesn’t love the decorating part… just the end result. So she hires her friend’s daughter to decorate. It doesn’t cost much for Mum, and her friend’s daughter gets extra cash around the holidays. She also suggested hiring a high school student to address your holiday cards, if you really want to send them.

9. Focus on the simple pleasures.

“Look for the simple pleasures of the season such as making a snowman or sitting around a fire,” The holidays are a great time to slow down and focus on the little joys in life. You also might enjoy reading with your family, listening to music together, looking at holiday decorations around town, baking cookies and playing outside.

Mental Health Memo: Patient:S. Claus.

Mental Health Memo

Mental Health Care Ltd. To: All Home Managers From: Concerned Care Staff Date: 25th December Re: S. Claus

We are having problems with the above named. He presents as being happy and jolly and walks around saying "Ho ho ho." Additionally he has taken to referring to an imaginary animal called Rudolf and insists on wearing a red and white coat, even in the heat. He refuses to use the front door preferring to come down the chimney. This behaviour became problematic when he came down the dining room chimney because it has been bricked up for some time. When he is out in the community he approaches young children, of either sex, and asks them to sit on his knee. Without staff intervention he would then ask them if they want a present.
In short, his behaviour makes his return to the community unlikely. I would be grateful for your advice concerning his suitability for a placement with Mental Health Care Ltd.

10 Helpful Hints for Holiday Spending

Money is a major stressor. In fact, finances top the list as the biggest source of holiday strain, according to a recent Mental Health America survey. And it makes sense.

Take gift-giving, for instance. “Holiday gift giving is often a very public event, fraught with comparisons, excitement, and disappointment,” Pricey presents tend to disappoint less, he said. “So we often go way over budget because it’s such a pleasure to give a thrilling gift and so distressing to give a gift that disappoints.”

Overspending for the holidays can leave you super stressed, in debt and pinching your pennies on the more important things. But you don’t have to feel like a slave to Santa’s wish list. Below are 10 ideas to help you reduce your spending, create a budget and fret less about your finances.

1. Set a budget.

Setting a budget for the holiday season is a good starting point for keeping expenses at bay. Remember that holiday spending is “just part of your larger financial plan,”. And “your holiday budget needs to be a portion of your discretionary income.”

Some debt may be inevitable, but keep it in perspective. “Don’t jeopardize [your children’s] college fund to get the latest and coolest expensive toys.”

2. Have an easy way to track expenses.

There are many methods for recording your expenses. The best systems are the ones that work well for you. “Some people use envelopes that they fill with cash for various discretionary expenses during the month,” ,“Others are more comfortable with software that tracks spending and expenses.”

3. Be realistic.

Many people try going cold turkey with their spending. But deprivation often backfires—and sometimes in a big way. Instead, readers allow for “occasional indulgences so that you don’t become frustrated or go on a spending binge.”

4. Create and regularly review financial goals.

Having short- and long-term goals is key to smart spending, Rich said. If your priorities are fuzzy, how do you know when to save, spend or splurge? Plus, a lack of financial priorities makes budgeting pointless. “Without concrete and desirable goals, a budget is just drudgery,”

He explained that your short-term goals might be anything from buying an “electronic gizmo you have always wanted” to “taking a vacation.” Long-term goals might be saving for retirement or a down payment.

5. Identify your values.

In order to budget effectively, it’s important to carefully and thoughtfully consider your personal values. What matters to you most? Do you have a hobby or two that you’d like to spend some money on? Do you want to donate to your church or a favourite cause? Is it important for your kids to attend private school, play the piano or take tennis lessons at a particular academy?

Without principles to give you perspective, you’re more susceptible to financial setbacks. As, “if all you are doing is budgeting, you are destined for a financial “’relapse.’”

“Overspending to impress your friends and neighbours is a short-lived pleasure. Under-spending so that you work less and have more time to be with family and doing other activities that you enjoy has more potential for generating long-term happiness,” .

6. Don’t forget the true meaning of the holidays.

While it’s obvious, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the holiday hoopla and forget that this season goes beyond gifts, fancy decorations and lavish parties. “The holidays are a time when families come together and celebrate their common cultural and religious traditions,” and these moments provide priceless opportunities to reconnect.

“It is a time to let go of resentments, appreciate the people in your life, and reach out to people that are less fortunate. It is a time to appreciate spirituality, eternity, and to regain a sense of perspective.”

He also gave several examples of meaningful experiences (which don’t cost a thing!): “reading or watching holiday stories or scripture, baking holiday treats, singing carols and hymns, putting on plays, making decorations, and giving time to a charity.”

7. Have a plan.

As you shop, it’s tempting to toss your budget rules and buy what you see. The best way to prevent a shopping mutiny is to have a plan. Master Certified life and career coach Kristin Taliaferro recommended readers make a list of everyone you’re purchasing presents for, along with how much you plan to spend. Then add up the total. “If you can live with that number, great; if not, make some cuts,” she said.

8. Only buy stuff on sale.

“Make it a rule to only purchase items on sale or with a coupon or don’t buy it,” Taliaferro said. While you might have to adjust your gift ideas, you’ll end up saving money, she said. Taliaferro also offered a great tip for finding coupons: “If there’s a retailer you like, Google their name and the word ‘coupon’ and the current month and year.”

9. Find what works for you.

When spending smart, the real secret is to find solutions that work successfully for you and your family. For instance, Taliaferro suggested carrying cash to shrink spending, which is an effective budgeting tool for many people. “The advantage is that it provides a convenient way to track what you have spent and how much you have left,” Shopping online? “Consider buying a VISA gift card now for yourself,” Taliaferro said. “If all else fails, hide your credit cards until January.”

By using cash (or gift cards), the theory is that when the money runs out, you’re done shopping—that’s if you don’t run to the ATM to restock “to buy ‘just one more thing,” So this may not work for everyone in curbing spending. “If I have a wad of cash, I find myself going through it quickly.”

10. Take it easy.

 “Make financial decisions around the holidays that you can live with, but then do your best to put financial thoughts and worries aside.” These concerns only spike your stress level and make you lose sight of the holidays. Here are five ways to minimize worry and anxiety.

Baby and the Dangers of “Crying It Out”

Damaging children and their relationships for the long-term.

Published on December 11, 2011 by Darcia Narvaez, Ph.D. in Moral Landscapes

Letting babies "cry it out" is an idea that has been around since at least the 1880s when the field of medicine was in a hullaballoo about germs and transmitting infection and so took to the notion that babies should rarely be touched (see Blum, 2002, for a great review of this time period and attitudes towards childrearing).

In the 20^th century, behaviourist John Watson, interested in making psychology a hard science, took up the crusade against affection as president of the American Psychological Association. He applied the mechanistic paradigm of behaviourism to child rearing, warning about the dangers of too much mother love. The 20^th century was the time when "men of science" were assumed to know better than mothers, grandmothers and families about how to raise a child. Too much kindness to a baby would result in a whiney, dependent, failed human being. Funny how "the experts" got away with this with no evidence to back it up! Instead there is evidence all around (then and now) showing the opposite to be true!

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A government pamphlet from the time recommended that "mothering meant holding the baby quietly, in tranquillity-inducing positions" and that "the mother should stop immediately if her arms feel tired" because "the baby is never to inconvenience the adult." Babies older than six months "should be taught to sit silently in the crib; otherwise, he might need to be constantly watched and entertained by the mother, a serious waste of time." (See Blum, 2002.)

Don't these attitudes sound familiar? A parent reported to me recently that he was encouraged to let his baby cry herself to sleep so he "could get his life back."

With neuroscience, we can confirm what our ancestors took for granted---that letting babies get distressed is a practice that can damage children and their relational capacities in many ways for the long term. We know now that leaving babies to cry is a good way to make a less intelligent, less healthy but more anxious, uncooperative and alienated person who can pass the same or worse traits on to the next generation.

The discredited behaviourist view sees the baby as an interloper into the life of the parents, an intrusion who must be controlled by various means so the adults can live their lives without too much bother. Perhaps we can excuse this attitude and ignorance because at the time, extended families were being broken up and new parents had to figure out how to deal with babies on their own, an unnatural condition for humanity--we have heretofore raised children in extended families. The parents always shared care with multiple adult relatives.

According to a behaviourist view completely ignorant of human development, the child 'has to be taught to be independent.' We can confirm now that forcing "independence" on a baby leads to greater dependence. Instead, giving babies what they need leads to greater independence later. In anthropological reports of small-band hunter-gatherers, parents took care of every need of babies and young children. Toddlers felt confident enough (and so did their parents) to walk into the bush on their own (see Hunter-Gatherer Childhoods, edited by Hewlett & Lamb, 2005).

Ignorant behaviourists then and now encourage parents to condition the baby to expect needs NOT to be met on demand, whether feeding or comforting. It's assumed that the adults should 'be in charge' of the relationship. Certainly this might foster a child that doesn't ask for as much help and attention (withdrawing into depression and going into stasis or even wasting away) but it is more likely to foster a whiney, unhappy, aggressive and/or demanding child, one who has learned that one must scream to get needs met. A deep sense of insecurity is likely to stay with them the rest of life.

The fact is that caregivers who habitually respond to the needs of the baby before the baby gets distressed, preventing crying, are more likely to have children who are independent than the opposite (e.g., Stein & Newcomb, 1994). Soothing care is best from the outset. Once patterns get established, it's much harder to change them.

We should understand the mother and child as a mutually responsive dyad. They are a symbiotic unit that make each other healthier and happier in mutual responsiveness. This expands to other caregivers too.

One strangely popular notion still around today is to let babies 'cry it out' when they are left alone, isolated in cribs or other devices. This comes from a misunderstanding of child and brain development.

• Babies grow from being held. Their bodies get dysregulated when they are physically separated from caregivers. (See here for more.)

• Babies indicate a need through gesture and eventually, if necessary, through crying. Just as adults reach for liquid when thirsty, children search for what they need in the moment. Just as adults become calm once the need is met, so do babies.

• There are many long-term effects of undercare or need-neglect in babies (e.g., Dawson et al., 2000).

What does 'crying it out' actually do to the baby and to the dyad?

Neurons die. When the baby is stressed, the toxic hormone cortisol is released. It's a neuron killer. A full-term baby (40-42 weeks), with only 25% of its brain developed, is undergoing rapid brain growth. The brain grows on average three times as large by the end of the first year (and head size growth in the first year is a sign of intelligence, Gale et al., 2006). Who knows what neurons are not being connected or being wiped out during times of extreme stress? What deficits might show up years later from such regular distressful experience?

Disordered stress reactivity can be established as a pattern for life not only in the brain with the stress response system, but also in the body through the vagus nerve, a nerve that affects functioning in multiple systems (e.g., digestion). For example, prolonged distress in early life, resulting in a poorly functioning vagus nerve, is related disorders as irritable bowel syndrome (Stam et al, 1997). See more about how early stress is toxic for lifelong health from the recent Harvard report, The Foundations of Lifelong Health are Built in Early Childhood).

Self-regulation is undermined. The baby is absolutely dependent on caregivers for learning how to self-regulate. Responsive care---meeting the baby's needs before he gets distressed---tunes the body and brain up for calmness. When a baby gets scared and a parent holds and comforts him, the baby builds expectations for soothing, which get integrated into the ability to self comfort. Babies don't self-comfort in isolation. If they are left to cry alone, they learn to shut down in face of extensive distress-stop growing, stop feeling, stop trusting (Henry & Wang, 1998).

Trust is undermined. As Erik Erikson pointed out, the first year of life is a sensitive period for establishing a sense of trust in the world, the world of caregiver and the world of self. When a baby's needs are met without distress, the child learns that the world is a trustworthy place, that relationships are supportive, and that the self is a positive entity that can get its needs met. When a baby's needs are dismissed or ignored, the child develops a sense of mistrust of relationships and the world. And self-confidence is undermined. The child may spend a lifetime trying to fill the inner emptiness.

Caregiver sensitivity may be harmed. A caregiver who learns to ignore baby crying, will likely learn to ignore the more subtle signalling of the child's needs. Second-guessing intuitions to stop child distress, the adult practices and increasingly learns to "harden the heart." The reciprocity between caregiver and baby is broken by the adult, but cannot be repaired by the young child. The baby is helpless.

Caregiver responsiveness to the needs of the child is related to most if not all positive child outcomes. In our work it is related to intelligence, empathy, lack of aggression or depression, self-regulation, social competence. Because responsiveness is so powerful, we have to control for it in our studies of other parenting practices and child outcomes. The importance of caregiver responsiveness is common knowledge in developmental psychology Lack of responsiveness, which "crying it out" represents. can result in the opposite of the aforementioned positive outcomes.

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The 'cry it out' approach seems to have arisen as a solution to the dissolution of extended family life in the 20th century. The vast wisdom of grandmothers was lost in the distance between households with children and those with the experience and expertise about how to raise them well. The wisdom of keeping babies happy was lost between generations.

But isn't it normal for babies to cry?

No, babies are built to expect the equivalent of an "external womb" after birth (see Allan Schore, specific references below). What is the external womb? ---being held constantly, breastfed on demand, needs met quickly (I have numerous posts on these things). When babies display discomfort, it signals that a need is not getting met, a need of their rapidly growing systems.

What does extensive baby crying signal? It shows the lack of experience, knowledge and/or support of the baby's caregivers. To remedy a lack of information in us all, below is a good set of articles about all the things that a baby's cry can signal. We can all educate ourselves about what babies need and the practices that alleviate baby crying. We can help one another to keep it from happening as much as possible.

Check these out:

How to soothe babies: http://www.babycenter.com/0_12-reasons-babies-cry-and-how-to-soothe-them_9790.bc?page=2

Soothing babies crying "for no reason": http://www.babycenter.com/0_what-to-do-when-your-baby-cries-for-no-reason_10320516.bc

Soothing babies who have "colic": http://www.babycenter.com/0_colic-how-to-cope_1369745.bc

Science of Parenting, an inexpensive, photo-filled, easy-to-read book for parents by Margot Sunderland, has much more detail and references on these matters. I keep copies on hand to give to new parents.

Giving babies what they need is really a basic right of babies.