Coping with tne New Year blues this Christmas.

Coping with the New Year blues this Christmas

Chair of Mental Health at UniSA, Professor Nicholas Procter, says Christmas is a special opportunity for family and friends to re-connect with people - some of who have mental health problems and mental illness, as a means of building resilience to self harm in the New Year.

Professor Procter says there is a common misconception suicide rates increase at Christmas but research indicates it’s in fact early in the New Year where people are more susceptible to self harm and likely to end their life by suicide.

“The evidence suggests that at Christmas relatives and friends are more likely to visit and reach out so often the family becomes a bigger part of one’s life at this time,” he says. “Social and family connectedness is a known protective factor for suicide.”

“Positive efforts of church and charity groups to provide support, special dinners, free presents for children and other social events such as Christmas carols in public places are an effective buffer in helping to alleviate deep social isolation that may be experienced around Christmas.

Professor Procter says self harm and suicide is more likely to take place in the New Year but more study is required as to why this is the case.

“International evidence indicates there are fewer suicide attempts than expected before Christmas and nearly 40 per cent more than expected after, especially on New Year's Day,” he says.

“We can really only draw some inferences on this and the possibilities include some kind of postponement mechanism arising after the Christmas and New Year period, where motivation and opportunity is high at a time of decreased social connectedness.

“Further research is needed to understand the complex interplay between psychosocial and individual factors, as well as known risk factors for suicide.

Although fewer people may self harm at Christmas, Professor Procter says despite the protective barrier provided at Christmas time there will still be many who will exhibit self-harm and suicidal behaviour.

“There is always the group of people, albeit smaller in number who, for a range of complex reasons, have such a strong intent to die that the Christmas/New Year holiday is not significant enough in itself to act as a protective factor,” he says.

“For this group the desire to end their life by suicide is so powerful, they believe that completing the act means they will no longer be a burden to themselves, their family or others.”

If you are concerned for the mental health of a friend or family member Professor Procter suggests:

§     Reach out to people who you know are isolated and vulnerable.

§     Let them know you care and that they are important to you.

§     Try starting a conversation with the person, telling them you are concerned.

§     Help them come around to the idea that while many people can feel this way when faced with a crisis, there are options and their safety is most important.

§     A ‘no secrets’ policy is critical, never agree to keep someone’s suicidal thoughts a secret.

To get a better understanding of the person’s risk you could ask the following questions:

What: do you have a suicide plan?

How: Do you have access to the means to end your life?

When: Have you set aside a time to complete suicide?

The above tips have been adapted from livingisforeveryone.com.au

Anyone with suicidal thoughts can call Lifeline on 131 114 or Kids Helpline 1800 551 800 or for more information on mental illness visit the Beyond Blue website.

9 Ways to Have a Simpler but More Satisfying Holiday

Let’s face it: We tend to over-complicate the holidays and put a lot of pressure on ourselves (and possibly others) in the process.

“People often have an image of how the holidays should be,” And those shoulds usually translate into pursuit of the perfect holiday. We try to find the perfect presents or plan the perfect parties. And since perfection is impossible, all we end up doing is getting disappointed and stressing ourselves out.

Keeping things simple this holiday season can help you stave off stress and focus on what counts. Each person may have a different idea of what a simple holiday looks like, depending on your traditions, family life and financial situation.

But we can probably all agree that a simple holiday is one with fewer obligations and headaches and more relaxation and joy. Here are nine ways to enjoy just that.

1. Don’t take the holidays so seriously.

Realistically, a lot can go wrong during the holidays. But instead of getting distressed and being disappointed, “keep a sense of perspective and humour about the madness of parking lot traffic jams, weird in-law vibes, crazed children jacked up on sugar and other stimulants, packed stores, long lines, credit card denials, you name it

2. Focus on what’s truly important.

Sometimes, we get wrapped up in the superficial parts of the holidays. Take gift shopping, which is a big stressor and another way we complicate life for ourselves. “Rather than feel guilty if you’re not buying your child a Nintendo 3DS or surprising your mate with a special extravagance, step back and look for the deeper meaning of your celebration,” That deeper meaning lies in our relationships. “That’s because science shows that relationships are the key to happiness, regardless of your income,”, “How can I use the holidays to strengthen my relationships with others?”

Also, you might focus on other holiday perks like the time off and profound principles like gratitude, generosity and the religious and spiritual aspects (if they’re significant to you).

3. Simplify gift-giving.

It’s the simple things—not extravagant gifts—that can help you deepen your connections with others. Giving loved ones framed photos (that include those family members or friends) or writing personal letters. “Tell them what they mean to you, or thank them for what they’ve given you,” she said. “It’s a keepsake they’ll treasure longer than a sweater.”

4. Have potluck dinners.

People have potlucks with their friends and family. Not only do these events provide the opportunity to connect and make memories, but because everyone is pitching in, you only need to make one or two dishes. (That makes it great for trimming your to-do list!)

5. Commit to less.

The fewer commitments you make, the simpler your holiday will be—especially when you consider that you’re piling on activities and tasks to what’s likely an already full plate. Don’t worry about disappointing others if you can’t make it to a certain event or prepare a special dish. Overextending yourself just leaves you more stressed. (And a lot less fun to be around!)

6. Volunteer.

“Giving to others and building a community strengthens your feelings of connection and your sense of happiness,” And it’s a simple way of making a big difference.

7. Ease your obligations.

Each year many of us feel obligated to take on tasks like mailing greeting cards and getting the perfect holiday photos. But if these activities stress you out, do what feels better.

“Could you skip it this year or send a Happy New Year card or postcard instead?” (This will buy you more time.) Or “How about a holiday letter posted online for your friends and family to view?” That’s much easier than writing and addressing countless cards.

In other words, “Give yourself permission to not do something if it feels like a major drain,” And if you want to do it, find solutions to make it less stressful.

8. Outsource.

Remember that you don’t have to do everything yourself. “Ask others to pick up their fair share of the additional tasks,” And consider if you can hire someone for the other stuff, such as cleaning, cooking, organizing or decorating.

For instance, a neighbour’s mother loves for her house to be decorated every year for Christmas. But she doesn’t love the decorating part… just the end result. So she hires her friend’s daughter to decorate. It doesn’t cost much for Mum, and her friend’s daughter gets extra cash around the holidays. She also suggested hiring a high school student to address your holiday cards, if you really want to send them.

9. Focus on the simple pleasures.

“Look for the simple pleasures of the season such as making a snowman or sitting around a fire,” The holidays are a great time to slow down and focus on the little joys in life. You also might enjoy reading with your family, listening to music together, looking at holiday decorations around town, baking cookies and playing outside.

Mental Health Memo: Patient:S. Claus.

Mental Health Memo

Mental Health Care Ltd. To: All Home Managers From: Concerned Care Staff Date: 25th December Re: S. Claus

We are having problems with the above named. He presents as being happy and jolly and walks around saying "Ho ho ho." Additionally he has taken to referring to an imaginary animal called Rudolf and insists on wearing a red and white coat, even in the heat. He refuses to use the front door preferring to come down the chimney. This behaviour became problematic when he came down the dining room chimney because it has been bricked up for some time. When he is out in the community he approaches young children, of either sex, and asks them to sit on his knee. Without staff intervention he would then ask them if they want a present.
In short, his behaviour makes his return to the community unlikely. I would be grateful for your advice concerning his suitability for a placement with Mental Health Care Ltd.

10 Helpful Hints for Holiday Spending

Money is a major stressor. In fact, finances top the list as the biggest source of holiday strain, according to a recent Mental Health America survey. And it makes sense.

Take gift-giving, for instance. “Holiday gift giving is often a very public event, fraught with comparisons, excitement, and disappointment,” Pricey presents tend to disappoint less, he said. “So we often go way over budget because it’s such a pleasure to give a thrilling gift and so distressing to give a gift that disappoints.”

Overspending for the holidays can leave you super stressed, in debt and pinching your pennies on the more important things. But you don’t have to feel like a slave to Santa’s wish list. Below are 10 ideas to help you reduce your spending, create a budget and fret less about your finances.

1. Set a budget.

Setting a budget for the holiday season is a good starting point for keeping expenses at bay. Remember that holiday spending is “just part of your larger financial plan,”. And “your holiday budget needs to be a portion of your discretionary income.”

Some debt may be inevitable, but keep it in perspective. “Don’t jeopardize [your children’s] college fund to get the latest and coolest expensive toys.”

2. Have an easy way to track expenses.

There are many methods for recording your expenses. The best systems are the ones that work well for you. “Some people use envelopes that they fill with cash for various discretionary expenses during the month,” ,“Others are more comfortable with software that tracks spending and expenses.”

3. Be realistic.

Many people try going cold turkey with their spending. But deprivation often backfires—and sometimes in a big way. Instead, readers allow for “occasional indulgences so that you don’t become frustrated or go on a spending binge.”

4. Create and regularly review financial goals.

Having short- and long-term goals is key to smart spending, Rich said. If your priorities are fuzzy, how do you know when to save, spend or splurge? Plus, a lack of financial priorities makes budgeting pointless. “Without concrete and desirable goals, a budget is just drudgery,”

He explained that your short-term goals might be anything from buying an “electronic gizmo you have always wanted” to “taking a vacation.” Long-term goals might be saving for retirement or a down payment.

5. Identify your values.

In order to budget effectively, it’s important to carefully and thoughtfully consider your personal values. What matters to you most? Do you have a hobby or two that you’d like to spend some money on? Do you want to donate to your church or a favourite cause? Is it important for your kids to attend private school, play the piano or take tennis lessons at a particular academy?

Without principles to give you perspective, you’re more susceptible to financial setbacks. As, “if all you are doing is budgeting, you are destined for a financial “’relapse.’”

“Overspending to impress your friends and neighbours is a short-lived pleasure. Under-spending so that you work less and have more time to be with family and doing other activities that you enjoy has more potential for generating long-term happiness,” .

6. Don’t forget the true meaning of the holidays.

While it’s obvious, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the holiday hoopla and forget that this season goes beyond gifts, fancy decorations and lavish parties. “The holidays are a time when families come together and celebrate their common cultural and religious traditions,” and these moments provide priceless opportunities to reconnect.

“It is a time to let go of resentments, appreciate the people in your life, and reach out to people that are less fortunate. It is a time to appreciate spirituality, eternity, and to regain a sense of perspective.”

He also gave several examples of meaningful experiences (which don’t cost a thing!): “reading or watching holiday stories or scripture, baking holiday treats, singing carols and hymns, putting on plays, making decorations, and giving time to a charity.”

7. Have a plan.

As you shop, it’s tempting to toss your budget rules and buy what you see. The best way to prevent a shopping mutiny is to have a plan. Master Certified life and career coach Kristin Taliaferro recommended readers make a list of everyone you’re purchasing presents for, along with how much you plan to spend. Then add up the total. “If you can live with that number, great; if not, make some cuts,” she said.

8. Only buy stuff on sale.

“Make it a rule to only purchase items on sale or with a coupon or don’t buy it,” Taliaferro said. While you might have to adjust your gift ideas, you’ll end up saving money, she said. Taliaferro also offered a great tip for finding coupons: “If there’s a retailer you like, Google their name and the word ‘coupon’ and the current month and year.”

9. Find what works for you.

When spending smart, the real secret is to find solutions that work successfully for you and your family. For instance, Taliaferro suggested carrying cash to shrink spending, which is an effective budgeting tool for many people. “The advantage is that it provides a convenient way to track what you have spent and how much you have left,” Shopping online? “Consider buying a VISA gift card now for yourself,” Taliaferro said. “If all else fails, hide your credit cards until January.”

By using cash (or gift cards), the theory is that when the money runs out, you’re done shopping—that’s if you don’t run to the ATM to restock “to buy ‘just one more thing,” So this may not work for everyone in curbing spending. “If I have a wad of cash, I find myself going through it quickly.”

10. Take it easy.

 “Make financial decisions around the holidays that you can live with, but then do your best to put financial thoughts and worries aside.” These concerns only spike your stress level and make you lose sight of the holidays. Here are five ways to minimize worry and anxiety.

Baby and the Dangers of “Crying It Out”

Damaging children and their relationships for the long-term.

Published on December 11, 2011 by Darcia Narvaez, Ph.D. in Moral Landscapes

Letting babies "cry it out" is an idea that has been around since at least the 1880s when the field of medicine was in a hullaballoo about germs and transmitting infection and so took to the notion that babies should rarely be touched (see Blum, 2002, for a great review of this time period and attitudes towards childrearing).

In the 20^th century, behaviourist John Watson, interested in making psychology a hard science, took up the crusade against affection as president of the American Psychological Association. He applied the mechanistic paradigm of behaviourism to child rearing, warning about the dangers of too much mother love. The 20^th century was the time when "men of science" were assumed to know better than mothers, grandmothers and families about how to raise a child. Too much kindness to a baby would result in a whiney, dependent, failed human being. Funny how "the experts" got away with this with no evidence to back it up! Instead there is evidence all around (then and now) showing the opposite to be true!

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A government pamphlet from the time recommended that "mothering meant holding the baby quietly, in tranquillity-inducing positions" and that "the mother should stop immediately if her arms feel tired" because "the baby is never to inconvenience the adult." Babies older than six months "should be taught to sit silently in the crib; otherwise, he might need to be constantly watched and entertained by the mother, a serious waste of time." (See Blum, 2002.)

Don't these attitudes sound familiar? A parent reported to me recently that he was encouraged to let his baby cry herself to sleep so he "could get his life back."

With neuroscience, we can confirm what our ancestors took for granted---that letting babies get distressed is a practice that can damage children and their relational capacities in many ways for the long term. We know now that leaving babies to cry is a good way to make a less intelligent, less healthy but more anxious, uncooperative and alienated person who can pass the same or worse traits on to the next generation.

The discredited behaviourist view sees the baby as an interloper into the life of the parents, an intrusion who must be controlled by various means so the adults can live their lives without too much bother. Perhaps we can excuse this attitude and ignorance because at the time, extended families were being broken up and new parents had to figure out how to deal with babies on their own, an unnatural condition for humanity--we have heretofore raised children in extended families. The parents always shared care with multiple adult relatives.

According to a behaviourist view completely ignorant of human development, the child 'has to be taught to be independent.' We can confirm now that forcing "independence" on a baby leads to greater dependence. Instead, giving babies what they need leads to greater independence later. In anthropological reports of small-band hunter-gatherers, parents took care of every need of babies and young children. Toddlers felt confident enough (and so did their parents) to walk into the bush on their own (see Hunter-Gatherer Childhoods, edited by Hewlett & Lamb, 2005).

Ignorant behaviourists then and now encourage parents to condition the baby to expect needs NOT to be met on demand, whether feeding or comforting. It's assumed that the adults should 'be in charge' of the relationship. Certainly this might foster a child that doesn't ask for as much help and attention (withdrawing into depression and going into stasis or even wasting away) but it is more likely to foster a whiney, unhappy, aggressive and/or demanding child, one who has learned that one must scream to get needs met. A deep sense of insecurity is likely to stay with them the rest of life.

The fact is that caregivers who habitually respond to the needs of the baby before the baby gets distressed, preventing crying, are more likely to have children who are independent than the opposite (e.g., Stein & Newcomb, 1994). Soothing care is best from the outset. Once patterns get established, it's much harder to change them.

We should understand the mother and child as a mutually responsive dyad. They are a symbiotic unit that make each other healthier and happier in mutual responsiveness. This expands to other caregivers too.

One strangely popular notion still around today is to let babies 'cry it out' when they are left alone, isolated in cribs or other devices. This comes from a misunderstanding of child and brain development.

• Babies grow from being held. Their bodies get dysregulated when they are physically separated from caregivers. (See here for more.)

• Babies indicate a need through gesture and eventually, if necessary, through crying. Just as adults reach for liquid when thirsty, children search for what they need in the moment. Just as adults become calm once the need is met, so do babies.

• There are many long-term effects of undercare or need-neglect in babies (e.g., Dawson et al., 2000).

What does 'crying it out' actually do to the baby and to the dyad?

Neurons die. When the baby is stressed, the toxic hormone cortisol is released. It's a neuron killer. A full-term baby (40-42 weeks), with only 25% of its brain developed, is undergoing rapid brain growth. The brain grows on average three times as large by the end of the first year (and head size growth in the first year is a sign of intelligence, Gale et al., 2006). Who knows what neurons are not being connected or being wiped out during times of extreme stress? What deficits might show up years later from such regular distressful experience?

Disordered stress reactivity can be established as a pattern for life not only in the brain with the stress response system, but also in the body through the vagus nerve, a nerve that affects functioning in multiple systems (e.g., digestion). For example, prolonged distress in early life, resulting in a poorly functioning vagus nerve, is related disorders as irritable bowel syndrome (Stam et al, 1997). See more about how early stress is toxic for lifelong health from the recent Harvard report, The Foundations of Lifelong Health are Built in Early Childhood).

Self-regulation is undermined. The baby is absolutely dependent on caregivers for learning how to self-regulate. Responsive care---meeting the baby's needs before he gets distressed---tunes the body and brain up for calmness. When a baby gets scared and a parent holds and comforts him, the baby builds expectations for soothing, which get integrated into the ability to self comfort. Babies don't self-comfort in isolation. If they are left to cry alone, they learn to shut down in face of extensive distress-stop growing, stop feeling, stop trusting (Henry & Wang, 1998).

Trust is undermined. As Erik Erikson pointed out, the first year of life is a sensitive period for establishing a sense of trust in the world, the world of caregiver and the world of self. When a baby's needs are met without distress, the child learns that the world is a trustworthy place, that relationships are supportive, and that the self is a positive entity that can get its needs met. When a baby's needs are dismissed or ignored, the child develops a sense of mistrust of relationships and the world. And self-confidence is undermined. The child may spend a lifetime trying to fill the inner emptiness.

Caregiver sensitivity may be harmed. A caregiver who learns to ignore baby crying, will likely learn to ignore the more subtle signalling of the child's needs. Second-guessing intuitions to stop child distress, the adult practices and increasingly learns to "harden the heart." The reciprocity between caregiver and baby is broken by the adult, but cannot be repaired by the young child. The baby is helpless.

Caregiver responsiveness to the needs of the child is related to most if not all positive child outcomes. In our work it is related to intelligence, empathy, lack of aggression or depression, self-regulation, social competence. Because responsiveness is so powerful, we have to control for it in our studies of other parenting practices and child outcomes. The importance of caregiver responsiveness is common knowledge in developmental psychology Lack of responsiveness, which "crying it out" represents. can result in the opposite of the aforementioned positive outcomes.

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The 'cry it out' approach seems to have arisen as a solution to the dissolution of extended family life in the 20th century. The vast wisdom of grandmothers was lost in the distance between households with children and those with the experience and expertise about how to raise them well. The wisdom of keeping babies happy was lost between generations.

But isn't it normal for babies to cry?

No, babies are built to expect the equivalent of an "external womb" after birth (see Allan Schore, specific references below). What is the external womb? ---being held constantly, breastfed on demand, needs met quickly (I have numerous posts on these things). When babies display discomfort, it signals that a need is not getting met, a need of their rapidly growing systems.

What does extensive baby crying signal? It shows the lack of experience, knowledge and/or support of the baby's caregivers. To remedy a lack of information in us all, below is a good set of articles about all the things that a baby's cry can signal. We can all educate ourselves about what babies need and the practices that alleviate baby crying. We can help one another to keep it from happening as much as possible.

Check these out:

How to soothe babies: http://www.babycenter.com/0_12-reasons-babies-cry-and-how-to-soothe-them_9790.bc?page=2

Soothing babies crying "for no reason": http://www.babycenter.com/0_what-to-do-when-your-baby-cries-for-no-reason_10320516.bc

Soothing babies who have "colic": http://www.babycenter.com/0_colic-how-to-cope_1369745.bc

Science of Parenting, an inexpensive, photo-filled, easy-to-read book for parents by Margot Sunderland, has much more detail and references on these matters. I keep copies on hand to give to new parents.

Giving babies what they need is really a basic right of babies.

6 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Family During the Holidays

George Burns once said: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family… in another city.”

So that would explain why the holidays are so stressful. Those dear relatives who live in Cobar suddenly are lingering in front of your refrigerator in Killara, NSW and you have to figure out a socially acceptable way of setting the table together, resisting the urge to re-expose the childhood wounds that you’ve learned to protect.

Here are a few tips I use in interacting with those family members who tend to wake my grumpy inner child, triggering an ugly tantrum right about the time Santa shows up with his loot.

1. Repeat: It’s Not About Me

You think it’s about you when your brother calls you a “selfish, lazy, son of a something,” but actually it’s not. He may point his finger at you and say, “You. I’m talking about you.” But he’s really not. He is seeing something that has nothing to do with who you are.

Don Miguel Ruiz says this in his classic book, “The Four Agreements”: “What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…. Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians…. But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell.”

That’s good news for all of us who make a habit of taking everything personally. It frees us to be ourselves, even when charged with a character flaw backed by supposed evidence.

2. Befriend Yourself

Much of the dysfunctional dynamics tolerated during the holidays are rooted in the painful memories of the past. So I go back to the place in history where I first acquired my scars. I return to the original story—for example, as a fourth grader depressed and anxious who has just learned her dad left home—and comfort that scared child as my adult self. I might say to her, “It’s not about you. His leaving has nothing to do with who you are. You are loved. You are enough.”

When I feel the similar pangs of abandonment or rejection coming on over the holidays, I address the kid as would a loving adult. Once you get good at this, you can be a friend to yourself, which comes in handy if you have no direct support in your immediate family. Talk to the pissed off third grader who was just picked last at gym, and tell him that the bullies making fun of him now will all grow up to be losers with disgusting beer guts.

3. Make a plan

You would be wise to start strategizing before the doorbell rings about where you are going to sit, what conversations you will have, how you will respond to sensitive issues, and boring questions you can ask to fill the uncomfortable voids. You might invent five or so canned retorts to be used when unjustly interrogated, or compile a list of necessary exit plans should you reach the about-to-lose-it-in-a-big-way point. Visualizations can also help. For example, picture yourself inside a bubble, with an invisible layer protecting you from the toxic stuff on the outside.

4. Carry a blankie

You don’t have to give up your blankie when you’re two. Just your pacifier. To give me an extra shot of strength to make it through certain family functions, I carry a token in my pocket: a necklace a friend made for me that says, “Seeking Wisdom,” a key chain with the Serenity prayer engraved on it, my St. Therese medal that I squeezed during the two years of my deep depression, my sobriety chip to remind myself of the years I’ve managed without booze, a favourite prayer, or a photo of my Aunt Raelene or another mental health heroes. I will use everything and anything that reminds me that I am okay the way I am, and to trust the process, even though it feels mighty uncomfortable at the present hour.

5. Wait before speaking

If everyone waited two seconds before emitting toxic emotions into the environment, we might have world peace. We’d definitely have fewer automobile accidents, and then maybe all of us could afford automobile insurance! In the pregnant pause between thinking and speaking, your neurons make the essential leap from the amygdala, or fear centre of the brain, which processes stimuli like a hormonal teenager, to the more evolved and sophisticated part of the brain.

Before the pause: “I’ve always guessed that you were an idiot, and you’ve just confirmed that.”

After the pause: “I’m sorry … I have to run to the restroom … but hold that thought … or, actually, don’t.”

6. Allow time to recover

Even if you’ve practiced your visualizations, arranged a safe seating chart, devised seven respectable responses to expected questions, and filled your pockets with blankies, you may come away from an evening with difficult family members feeling shattered, bruised, and deflated. That’s normal! As my therapist recently said to me, “Just because you anticipate and prepare for the blows doesn’t mean the blows won’t hurt.” Therefore, allow some needed recovery time after the dinner or weekend or, if you’re really unlucky, week of family feud.

Celebrating Safely with Alcohol

For many families, drinking alcohol is a way to celebrate something. The good cheer of the holiday season is liberally laced with wine. We use champagne and liquor to show our happiness at weddings and births.

This association of alcohol with celebration leads many parents to wonder whether or when they should permit their children to drink socially, even though it is illegal. Will forbidding alcohol make it even more appealing? Will condoning drinking lead to alcoholism for the child? If you talk to your child about not drinking and driving, is that giving him tacit permission to drink as long as he doesn’t drive?

Alcoholism researchers and developmental psychologists say the answers are not that simple. They also agree that it’s a bad idea to allow your children to drink alcohol at home simply because you assume they will just do it elsewhere. In fact, that makes it harder for teenagers to decline a drink in other situations. Protecting children from alcohol abuse requires a grasp of how different their thinking is from adult thinking, and recognition that alcohol can be a serious problem for them and for their friends.

Research at the Harvard School of Public Health has found that about 40 per cent of boys in their senior year of high school are binge drinkers — that is, when they drink, they have five or more drinks at a time. It also found that among college freshmen, 80 per cent of the men and 70 per cent of the women admitted drinking alcohol within 30 days of being interviewed. Almost half the men and more than a third of the women said they’ve been drunk during that time.

The allure of alcohol is strongest during adolescence, when many children are looking for ways to mask their feelings of awkwardness, bolster self-confidence, increase social acceptance, and take new risks. They have spent years developing expectations for what drinking alcohol will do and what it means. These images, which are often unrealistic, have been shaped in part by advertising and by their parents’ patterns of drinking.

Studies by Dr. Alan Marlatt, the director of the Addictive Behaviours Research Centre at the University of Washington at Seattle, have found that those teenagers who are most likely to have trouble with alcohol have different expectations of its risks and benefits. The high-risk adolescents expect that alcohol will always make them feel better and that the more they drink, the better they’ll feel. They see it as a general tension reducer that will lower their social anxieties and concerns about self-esteem. Also, boys who are at high risk for alcohol abuse say that alcohol will make both them and their dates more attractive. (One teenager he interviewed told Dr. Marlatt that he drank heavily at parties because all of his dates “looked prettier through beer goggles.”)

Those adolescents at lower risk for abusing alcohol have a more balanced set of expectations, including concerns about getting sick and embarrassing themselves.

Avoiding Problems with Alcohol

Alcohol education should begin early for the simple reasons that children are exposed to alcohol advertising well before they are old enough to drink. In fact, it’s not unusual for pre-schoolers who see sports events and their accompanying commercials on television to be able to identify different brands of beer before they can read.

While you needn’t start that early, it’s a good idea to talk to your children about alcohol by early adolescence. Here are some approaches:

• Let your children know what you expect of them, and why. Simply saying you don’t want him to drink won’t convince a teenager unless you can back it up with reasons. Giving your child clear expectations of family rules and an awareness of family values goes a long way. It means that when your child’s confronted with peer pressure, he will know what you expect.
• Provide evidence for not wanting your child to drink alcohol. Ads show drinking as part of being a successful, competent, attractive adult — much as cigarette ads give the false impression that smokers are rugged athletes who have glistening white teeth and a broad range of physically attractive friends. Adolescents are especially susceptible to those messages. They provide what teenagers want most at a time when they feel invulnerable to the risks involved.
• Point out stories in the newspaper where adolescents were involved in drunken-driving accidents or were arrested at public events or private parties for using alcohol. Don’t do this all at once, but do it regularly and subtly.
• Pay close attention to your children’s friends. Teenagers tend to drink what their friends do. If you know some of your child’s friends are getting into trouble with alcohol, pay closer attention to your own child’s behaviour.

Also, pay attention to and support your children’s friendships with non-drinkers. An adolescent is more likely to refuse alcohol at a party if he is with a friend who also doesn’t want to drink. The friend provides social support.

• Get to know the parents of your children’s friends. Let them know you will not allow your underage children to attend parties where alcohol is served. Ask the other parents to agree to the same criteria.
• Talk to your child about not driving if he’s been drinking, and especially about not getting into a car with a driver who’s been drinking. Although some parents worry about this giving children a set of contradictory messages (i.e., you’re not allowed to drink alcohol, but I expect that you will), it really does not. Instead, it allows your child to see your priorities: You have rules that you believe in, but you value his life and health more than any rule. Let your children know that if they call home from a party and say that they need to be picked up, you will either get them yourself or pay for a taxi to do so. Also you will do this without questioning their motives or their integrity. (This approach may come in handy in other situations as well, such as if you have a daughter who’s worried about being sexually assaulted in her date’s car on the way home. She’ll feel much more comfortable calling you for help if she doesn’t have to explain her reasons.) Giving your teenagers this power tells them that you trust their judgment, even if they make a mistake or get into trouble.
• Finally, recognize that two of the main reasons teenagers drink are to cope with stress and to experience an altered state of consciousness. Dr. Marlatt has found that college students who were heavy drinkers were able to reduce their alcohol consumption by 30 to 40 per cent when they either did aerobic exercise or practiced meditation. Those who regularly exercised and meditated reduced their alcohol consumption by 50 to 60 per cent. Developing such alternative coping strategies might also prevent light drinkers from getting into trouble.