Thursday 23 December 2010

A Christmas Wish for Peace on Earth

Peace comes not by imposing our wills or asserting the correctness of our ways and beliefs over others, but by reckoning with our own hearts.


 “Peace on the earth, goodwill to men,” cry the touching lyrics of the popular carol It Came Upon a Midnight Clear. Every year at Christmas time, our thoughts turn to the seemingly elusive but long-held quest for peace and harmony. But will a just, genuine and lasting peace ever come? Perhaps the answer to that question rests not so much with our governments, military, and political leaders, but within each of our hearts.
Human beings have always fought one another. Strife has been a major part of life since life began. But the reasons we fight and the ways we fight have never been fully understood.
For a long time, it was presumed that in a world with plenty for everyone, there would be no need for war, intolerance, or injustice. Need, deprivation, and desperation were thought to be the roots of conflict and war. But there is something in us all that’s more fundamentally responsible for the tumultuous world in which we live. It’s the will to power and dominance that’s the real culprit. And the desire to dominate doesn’t have to spring from the need to overcome disadvantage.
Psychologists have long known about the connection between beliefs, attitudes, and behavior. What we think about things, how we interpret events around us, the core values we hold, all influence how we will behave toward one another. Sometimes, even irrational and dysfunctional beliefs can be held with catastrophic conviction. And when those beliefs are coupled with the will to power and dominance, you can fairly well predict that unholy hell or war will soon break out. It’s one thing to believe really strongly in something, but it’s another thing entirely to desire that everyone believe just as we believe. Danger always looms whenever we decide that our way is the way or that our way of seeing things is the way everyone should see things.
The world is at a crossroads in the history of our social evolution. Some very prominent and deeply ingrained systems of thought are clashing with one another. For some ardent believers, peace can only come when everyone else’s beliefs and values crumble and bow in submission to their own. There are also some who in the name of ardent beliefs and values seek only power and dominance. For them, it’s not really so much a matter of whether others come to see things their way as it is that others simply do as they command. For still others, there’s the issue of unhealthy pride that prevents them from acknowledging any deficiency in their ways of thinking or behaving, which prompts their desire to find enemies they can blame for the dysfunctional state of their existence. When you look very closely at all the events of the time, one can’t help but thinking that the world might indeed be marching toward something quite ominous — something like a climactic showdown.
Peace on earth will not come until we face the most crafty of all enemies: ourselves. We hold the key to peace and harmony in our hearts. And what the world needs now, more than anything, is a change of heart. We won’t get along with one another until we start being honest with ourselves and one another about what we really want, what we really believe, and what we’re really willing to sacrifice to achieve the peace and harmony that has long eluded us.
This Christmas, let us spend some time reflecting on the sentiments that have always been associated with the season. While we celebrate with family and friends, let us also pledge ourselves to our part in the ages-old quest for peace on earth and goodwill toward men. Let us commit to changing the world, not by imposing our wills or asserting the correctness of our ways and beliefs over others, but by reckoning with our own hearts. That’s how the world will be transformed: one heart at a time.

Tuesday 21 December 2010

5 Ways to Beat the Christmas Blues

Stop holiday stress from turning into holiday blues with these five tips — and get back to what the season can be all about.

The year-end holidays can be a very special time indeed. Getting together with friends and family and sharing the joys of the season can be a time to build life-long remembrances. But for some, the holidays can be a time of great stress. Folks struggling with losses, undergoing conflict and upheaval, and dealing with painful emotional issues can experience the “blues,” sometimes exacerbated by the knowledge that others they know do not share their misery.
Finding some ways to prevent or beat the Christmas season blues can make all the difference for those struggling to capture at least part of the spirit of the holiday. After surveying the advice of many experts on issues ranging from holiday stress and anxiety to dealing with losses and overcoming depression, a consensus emerged about the things a person can do to stave off or reduce the blues:
Acceptance.
Whatever the circumstances are that might keep you from enjoying the holidays to the fullest, it’s important to acknowledge what’s not in your power to control, to avoid blaming yourself and compounding any misery, and to find room for acceptance of yourself and your situation. That’s not the same as giving up hope. It just means acknowledging circumstances as they are and not making matters worse by casting harmful or unwarranted negative aspersions toward oneself for the situation at hand.
Take care of yourself.
Be sure to eat right, sleep right, get as much exercise as possible, and take time to relax. Pamper yourself a bit. Take time to break open that book you’ve been wanting to read. Take a warm, relaxing bath. Sip a nourishing drink. Treat yourself to a not-so-serious movie. Even in tough times — especially in tough times — it’s important to be attentive to your most basic needs.
Involve yourself with the people and the activities you love.
Call up an old friend. Go window-shopping with a partner-in-crime. Even if you have to be home and for one reason or another have to remain alone, surround yourself with some of the things you love. Put some favorite songs on the stereo. Watch a favorite old movie on TV. Make your immediate environment as pleasant and comforting as possible.
Throw some light on the situation.
Take some walks outdoors, especially if it’s sunny. Sunshine has a remarkable capacity to brighten spirits as well as the day.
Find some way to give.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself when you face difficult circumstances during the holidays. And while you might not feel very inclined to do so in the beginning, it’s always helpful to find some way to give of yourself to others. Not only is that what the season is supposed to be about, but also it can be a real boost to the despondent spirit to become involved in an enterprise that positively impacts others.
‘Tis the season to be joyful and merry. And if life’s many trials and tribulations have put a damper on your usual holiday spirit, you might have a real challenge on your hands just to get through the season with a minimum of stress. But it’s important to remember that the true meaning of the season is not in all the festivities or all the gifts given and received. The real spirit of the holiday, and the greatest gift you can possibly share, is the one you alone can offer: the gift of love.


Sunday 28 November 2010

How to Cope with the Holiday Season Stress

North Pole Conference Tackles Holiday Stress
By Tim O'Brien

DATELINE: The North Pole

A press release from the North Pole hit the wire today. The release gave details of a unique conference convened by Mr. S. Claus. The delegates represented many diverse groups. The primary focus was on ways to help people "handle the holidays."

The group identified the four primary causes of Holiday stress as: Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and New Year's Eve. However, everyone in attendance wanted the world to know that the conference position paper, "10 Hints for a Happier Holidays," would work all year round.

Passed by a unanimous vote, here are the elf and electorate's "10 Hints for Happier Holidays."

1.Hide, it works nearly every time. If you need a little break, admit it and seek refuge. Go to a private place and take a few long deep breaths and sing your favorite Holiday tune to regroup.

2. Rehearse the worst, and then if it happens, you've made preparations. And since the worst seldom happens, you can make a game out of what does.
  
3. Get organized early. List all your holiday chores: cards if you send them, decorating the house, gifts, special cooking, wrapping, and mailing. Just listing everything you have to do, helps you feel less harried. Set a schedule and do a little every day. Check items off your list as you complete them. This will show your progress. Address a card or two per day. Wrap while you watch a favorite TV show. Remember, procrastination is the real "Grinch that stole Christmas."
  
4. Reinstate the draft; get everyone in the house to help. Share the fun, share the duties. Children too, just confine them to one room so if they make a mess you only have one room to redecorate in the spring.
  
5. Use modern innovations to make your traditions easier. Say you have 5 dozen cookies to send in with Johnny or Mary for the school party. Throw away the "from scratch" recipe. Buy a tube of ready mix, cook them 2 minutes less than they say (it makes them chewy). Put some sprinkles on the cookies and swear the children to secrecy. This creates little mess and is fast.
  
6. Moderation and "this too will pass." No matter what we think to the contrary, there will only be 31 days in December this year. If events get rough, start the countdown. Look forward to something in January, like December being over. Use moderation in eating, drinking and spending. You don't want a head, belt or debt hangover.
  
7. Empathy works when you think the world is out to get you. Look around. There are undoubtedly others who are worse off. If you see someone struggling, offer help if appropriate. Focus on what you do have, "count your blessings." Remember, love is free to share. And, it comes in unlimited supply to those who use it.
  
8. QTIP: The next time you're in a holiday traffic jam, or stuck in a slow checkout line; remember QTIP, and "Quit Taking It Personally." The checkout line isn't there to drive you crazy. The stop light is not a part of a plan to ruin your day. Don't get upset about what is beyond your control.
  
9. Contrarian shoppers start early and end early. Take an early lunch and shop on off days at the mall. Use mail order if the price is right. Have a detailed list of gifts with alternates if your first choice isn't available. Consider shopping year round for the holidays. Often, summer sales mean better gifts next year.
 
10. The Chemistry of Joy will see you through. There is an actual chemistry of joy and happiness that occurs within us. It is a chemical reaction caused by signals our brain gives to our autonomic nervous system. A positive, happy outlook triggers immune strengthening responses in our body. Laugh, enjoy humor, sing, and think about the joy you give to others and that they give you. 
 
Happy Holidays everyone, and have a happy, healthier year of your dreams in 2011.

(c) Copyright 1998 Timothy J. O'Brien

Tuesday 26 October 2010

How to Spot a Dangerous Man...and avoid or escape harmful relationships.

The Power of Relapsing

Never before in my  career have I seen more 'relapsing back into pathological relationships' than I have lately.

"What's wrong with me? Why do I do this?" they ask.
My answer is -- I don't know... why DO you do it?
"I didn't know what I was doing..." Yes you did. Contact is a choice.

"I just thought he changed this time."
No you didn't -- you know pathology is permanent.

"I was lonely."
O.K., loneliness is not fatal -- but these relationships often are. Your loneliness and need does not change his permanent disorder.

Nothing has changed except your thoughts about him and the relationship. That's the only change. Since pathology is marked by an inability to change and sustain positive change, your thoughts are the only change in the relationship that there is. And maybe your desire or need.

Relapsing begins FIRST in the mind long before it becomes a behavior-seeking missile that is fired off to destroy yourself and your recovery. This is why being in a Pathological Love Relationship Support Group is so important -- whether that's in a chat forum, an in-person support group you attend, or an online tele-conferencing group. You need support that keeps your THINKING outside of the fantasy zone. Without support, you are likely to sink right back into the old fantasy hopefulness that keeps you glued to a go-nowhere and dangerous relationship.

Relapse Thinking sounds like this in your head:
  • You take all the material you've learned from books or online back to the pathological and try to convince them they are pathological and need help.
  • You tell them what your counselor has said about them, you, or the relationship--hoping the impact from a professional will 'change their mind' about their condition.
  • You say, "Now that I 'think' I know what 'might' be wrong with them, I'll wait and watch for them to do these behaviors. Then I'll have evidence for why I'm leaving."
  • When they, in fact DO one of the behaviors, you either point it out to them as proof you were right, or, you find reasons why the behavior isn't 'exactly' what you read and therefore, they may not be pathological afterall!
  • You read the materials and literature looking to find all the traits they don't have. You reread the literature on good days so you can cross off behaviors they aren't doing today.
  • You find reasons to disbelieve the literature about the disorder.
  • You avoid your counselor, this website, or others who know about the disorder.
  • You become 'spiritually hopeful' so you can stay in the relationship because "God is going to heal them."
  • You begin reading 'Positive' Psychology materials so you can HOPE he can change - even though pathology is about no-change.
  • You call his girlfriends or exes to get them to confirm or deny he's pathological.
  • You hire a private investigator to follow them, hack into their phone or computer, for 'just a little more info' on why you should leave them (but then, you don't leave.)
  • You feel sorry for them more than you feel anger for your own pain.
  • You focus on the few good times and stuff your own feelings about the deceitful behavior.
  • You encourage them to carrot-dangle some future hope or potential to you so you can say "We're try it ONE MORE time."
  • You think you are confronting them because you stand up to them and so you are not being victimized by them if you are voicing your thoughts.
  • You minimize their previous deceitful, manipulative, dangerous, exploitative or lethal beahvior by saying "I was probably over exaggerating it."
  • You label yourself "just as sick as they are" so you might as well stay with them. No one healthy would want you.
  • You envy their lack of conscience and remorse and see it as a 'good life' feature and wish you were like that and cared less about what happened to you. Everything seems to go their way when they lack conscience.
  • You hyper-focus on their behavior and avoid taking care of yourself. The relationship/them become the reason for: your unhappiness, health, financial, or other problems.
  • You study to death all the traits of every kind of disorder you think they might have and don't leave because you 'want to totally understand it before you leave' and need 'just a little bit more' understanding or validation from others -- their family, their therapist, your therapist, your friends, etc.
  • You start softening, missing them, minimizing their behavior, focusing on your own loneliness, panic about who or what they are doing, make excuses to have contact with them. And ~ Voila~ you're back in.
The 'emergency session' calls that everyone wants to have is always AFTER they have done one of these behaviors and then feels awful about their relapse. The emergency session needs to be WHILE you are having these thoughts and BEFORE you acted on them.

Every time you go through one of these cycles of relapses, it just numbs you more to why you should be out. It makes it easier and easier to relapse. And easier for the thinking to start back up in your head and be totally unrecognized by you.

Damage is done to YOU each time you are in and out of the pathological love relationship, damaging your sense of reality even further -- training YOURSELF how to hypnotize your belief system with one of the thinking phrases listed above. You are also teaching the pathological how to get you back in the relationship.
They aren't stupid! They are master behavior analysts that study what works with you. Stop teaching them!

There is so much that the pathological relationship has legitimately done and damaged in you. But there is so much you DO TO YOURSELF in your relapsing. Relapse prevention requires work. It doesn't just 'happen' that you declare you are 'done' and you stay gone. If it takes a whole village to raise a child, it takes a whole community to help you get out and stay out until MUCH MORE TIME down the road, you are strong enough on your own.

I said, MUCH MORE TIME.

Day one of healing does not happen until you are out and have been out and have been emotionally disconnected for SEVERAL months. People who say they are recovering but are in and out and having constant relapse contact, I don't consider to have even day-one under their belt.
  • For those of you who are truly ready to start a new life, we are here to help you.
  • If you are still playing cat and mouse games with pathology, contact us when you're serious.
We are offering NEW online tele-conferencing support groups. Here's one way to get the support and help you need to get out and stay out. And don't forget we offer help in almost every format imaginable: books, e-books, workbooks, hypnosis CDs, mindfulness skills training, retreats, phone counseling... there just isn't a reason to stay stuck.

Unwedge yourself!

Friday 1 October 2010

Facebook isn't about close friendships....

A growing number of therapists and inpatient rehabilitation centers are often treating Web addicts with the same approaches, including 12-step programs, used to treat chemical addictions.
Because the condition is not recognized in psychiatry as a disorder, insurance companies do not reimburse for treatment. So patients either pay out of pocket, or therapists and treatment centers bill for other afflictions, including the nonspecific impulse control disorder.

These specialists estimate that 6 percent to 10 percent of the approximately 189 million Internet users in tthe US  have a dependency that can be as destructive as alcoholism and drug addiction, and they are rushing to treat it. Yet some in the field remain skeptical that heavy use of the Internet qualifies as a legitimate addiction, and one academic expert called it a fad illness.
Skeptics argue that even obsessive Internet use does not exact the same toll on health or family life as conventionally recognized addictions. But, mental health professionals who support the diagnosis of Internet addiction say, a majority of obsessive users are online to further addictions to gambling or pornography or have become much more dependent on those vices because of their prevalence on the Internet.
But other users have a broader dependency and spend hours online each day, surfing the Web, trading stocks, instant messaging or blogging, and a fast-rising number are becoming addicted to Internet video games.....

Thursday 23 September 2010

The Silent Treatment - Abuse or not?

Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored.
When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is - other than physical abuse.
The silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way to attempt to control children and partners into doing what you want them to do. It is a withdrawal of approval, and can cause much fear in people who are vulnerable to this.
You are giving people the silent treatment when you shut down to them, closing your heart and refusing to interact with them or acknowledge their presence. You act as if they are invisible, not responding to them at all or giving them a very minimal and withheld response. Your hope in treating them this way is that they will get the message that they have displeased you. They have done something wrong in your eyes and deserve to be punished, deserve to have your "love" taken away.
Of course, what you are taking away is not love at all, since love is unconditional. What you are taking away is your approval, and for children and approval-dependent adults, it is a powerful form of control.
The Consequences
While it may seem to you to work for the moment, there are huge negative consequences following the silent treatment. Children feel unloved and unlovable, developing deep beliefs about their inadequacy. While they may comply to avoid your withdrawal of approval, inwardly they are likely to feel lonely and heartbroken - feelings that they can't handle - so they become angry and resistant to manage the feelings. Their anger and resistance may show up in others areas that cause problems for them and for you.
While your partner may scurry around to try to please you and get you to reconnect with him or her, the fact that you have so deeply disconnected creates feelings of heartache in your partner that may eventually lead to the end of the relationship. What seems to work for the moment may lead to exactly what you don’t want in the long run.
When Your Partner is Punishing you with the Silent Treatment
What goes on inside you when your partner shuts down to you?
  • Do you tell yourself you must have done something wrong?
  • Do you feel a sense of loneliness and heartache that feels unbearable?
  • Do you feel alone and abandoned inside?
  • Do you feel anxious and scared?
If you feel any of these, it is really because you are abandoning yourself and making your partner responsible for you. It is you doing this that is allowing the silent treatment to work to control you.
If you were taking loving care of yourself and taking 100% responsibility for your own feelings, here is what would be going on inside:
  • You would be telling yourself: "My partner is choosing to punish me rather than take responsibility for his or her feelings. Whatever I may or may not have done that he or she doesn't like, I am not responsible for how he or she is dealing with it, and I have no control over him or her.
  • You would be bringing love inside, letting yourself know that you are a good person and deserving of love.
  • You would get out of range of your partner's energy - taking a walk, reading a book, calling a friend, or doing something else to make yourself happy.
  • You would keep your own heart open, not going into anger or judgment toward your partner, so that when your partner decides to open again, there is no residue for you. You would not punish your partner for trying to punish you. You would just make sure that their punishment doesn't work for them.
Eventually, when you are truly taking loving care of yourself, others will stop using the silent treatment, since it will no longer work for them.

Wednesday 22 September 2010

Psychopaths in your Workplace?

The majority of psychopaths are not serial killers or rapists, they are colleagues, bosses and employees found in workplaces throughout Australia. Workplace psychopaths are predators who ruthlessly charm and manipulate the people around them, gratifying themselves without remorse. They are people who lack a conscience, living in their own complex world where society’s rules are broken at will. This course will examine what a psychopath is, their personality style, behaviours, interpersonal approach and thought processes. You will see exactly how they infiltrate companies undetected, the strategies they use to manipulate those around them to achieve power and promotion. The different types of workplace psychopath will also be explored. Dr Clarke will also look at what companies and individuals can do to minimise damage caused by the psychopath.

** I have attended Dr Clarke's seminar and can highly recommend it.

Tuesday 21 September 2010

What is Stalking?

Are you being stalked by an ex-partner, colleague, friend or stranger?

You are not alone.

Community surveys suggest that each year between 1% and 2% of women and 0.25% to 0.5% of men are stalked (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 1996; Tjaden and Thoennes, 1998). Although these behaviors have been documented for centuries, stalking has been recognized as a social problem only during the last decade (Meloy, 1999; Mullen et al., 2000). The media began using the word stalking in the late 1980s to describe persistent following of celebrities. It was soon generalized to include a wide range of recurrent harassments and an equally diverse range of victims. Successful media campaigns established stalking as a public issue and stimulated legislative changes to allow the more effective prosecution of stalkers.

Who are the victims?

It can be anyone of us.

The impact on the victim's psychological and social well-being is considerable. Pathé and Mullen (1997) studied 100 victims of persistent stalking. The majority had to severely restrict their lives by changing or abandoning work, curtailing all social activities, and becoming virtual recluses. Over 80% developed significant anxiety symptoms. Sleep disturbance was common, and many resorted to substance abuse. Over half had symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder. Feelings of powerlessness and depression were common, and nearly a quarter of the victims were actively considering suicide as a means of escape.

What will a Stalker do?

They feel justified, in the right and angry.

Zona et al. (1993) were the first to systematically study assault in stalking. They suggested a low risk of overt violence, with only two out of 74 stalkers physically assaulting their victims. In contrast, Harmon and colleagues (1998) reported that 46% of stalkers exhibited violent conduct. The majority of stalkers who threatened their victims subsequently acted upon their stated intentions. Kienlen and colleagues (1997) reported that 32% of stalkers in their study committed assaults, with assault higher among the nonpsychotic subjects with personality disorder or substance abuse. Mullen et al. (1999) reported over a third of the victims in their study were attacked by their stalker. In addition, 6% of stalkers assaulted third parties whom they believed were impeding their access to the target. These studies are based on samples of stalkers. Victims, however, are in our view the most reliable source of information about intimidation, threats and violence. Hall (1998) reported that 41% of the 145 victims studied had been threatened, 43% had their property damaged, 38% were hit or beaten, and 22% were sexually assaulted. In addition, 11 subjects were kidnapped and two were victims of arson attacks. Pathé and Mullen (1997), in their sample of 100 victims, reported that 58 had been threatened, 36% were assaulted and 7% suffered sexual attacks. Threats preceded assault in 70% of cases. Assault was significantly more likely for victims who had had a former intimate relationship with the stalker. Meloy (1999, 1998) concluded that approximately half of all stalkers threaten the victim. The majority of those who threaten do not proceed to subsequent violence. Nonetheless, threats should be taken seriously, as those who proceed to assault have usually threatened previously. Violence occurs in approximately a third of the cases, yet rarely results in serious physical injury.

Is there more than one type of Stalker?

Yes

Stalker Types
There have been several attempts to describe the different types of stalker (Harmon et al., 1995; Mullen et al., 1999; Zona et al., 1993). No generally accepted classification has yet emerged.
Mullen et al. (1999) proposed a multiaxial classification. The first axis was a typology derived primarily from the stalker's motivation, the second from the prior relationship to the victim, and the third a division into nonpsychotic and psychotic subjects. This attempted to capture the stalker's behavior in terms of both motivation and the needs and desires the stalking itself satisfies. They described five subtypes:
1.The Rejected respond to an unwelcome end to a close relationship by actions intended to lead to reconciliation, an extraction of reparation from the victim or both. For the stalker, the behavior maintains some semblance of continued contact and relationship with the victim.
2.The Intimacy Seekers pursue someone they have little, if any, relationship with in the mistaken belief that they are loved, or inevitably will be loved, by the victim. The stalking satisfies needs for contact and closeness while feeding fantasies of an eventual loving relationship.
3.The Incompetent are would-be suitors seeking a partner. Given their ignorance or indifference to the usual courting rituals, they use methods that are, at best, counterproductive and, at worst, terrifying. The stalking provides an approximation of finding a partner.
4.The Resentful respond to a perceived insult or injury by actions aimed not just at revenge but at vindication. The stalking is the act of vengeance.
5.The Predatory pursue their desires for sexual gratification and control. The stalking is a rehearsal for the stalker's violent sexual fantasies and a partial satisfaction of voyeuristic and sadistic desires.
6.When the typology, relationship to the victim and psychotic/nonpsychotic dichotomy were combined, the result predicted the duration and nature of the stalking, the risks of threatening and violent behavior, and, to some extent, the response to management strategies (Mullen et al., 1999; Mullen et al., 2000).
The rejected used the widest range of behaviors, such as following, repeatedly approaching, telephoning, letter-writing and leaving notes. In contrast, the predatory stalkers concentrated almost exclusively on furtively following and maintaining surveillance. Intimacy seekers were the most prolific letter-writers, and they also sent the most unsolicited gifts and other materials. Duration was longest in the rejected and intimacy seekers and shortest in the predatory. The psychotic subjects were most likely to send unsolicited materials, and the nonpsychotic to follow and maintain surveillance.
The psychotic and nonpsychotic were equally likely to threaten, but the nonpsychotic were twice as likely to proceed to assault. The rejected were the most likely type to assault and the resentful, although often issuing threats, were the least likely to resort to overt violence. The best predictor of stalking duration was typology. Also best predicted by typology were assaults. When assaults were combined with substance abuse and a history of prior convictions, they accounted for most of the explained variance. Intimacy seekers were largely impervious to judicial sanctions, and often regarded court appearances and imprisonment as the price to be paid in the pursuit of true love. They often had a treatable psychiatric disorder, however, that when effectively managed, ended the stalking.
In contrast, the rejected, who could usually calculate their own advantage, often responded to the threat or imposition of judicial sanctions by curbing their behavior. The rejected type, however, do have significant levels of psychopathology, particularly connected to personality disorder, and therapeutic interventions can play a role in preventing a relapse. The incompetent type could usually be persuaded to abandon the pursuit of their current victim with relative ease. The challenge is to prevent them from harassing the next victim who catches their fancy. The predatory were generally paraphilics. Management of their sexual deviance is central to the prevention of stalking recidivism. The resentful, who all too often were both self-righteous and self-pitying, can be very difficult to engage therapeutically. Unless they have an overt paranoid illness, they rarely benefit from mandated treatment. They will, however, usually abandon their harassment if the cost to them, in terms of judicial sanctions, becomes too high. Victims' distress can only be relieved by stopping the stalker. Stalking is criminal (in most jurisdictions), but is a behavior in which mental disorder can often play a role. In managing the stalker, the choice between criminal sanctions and therapy is not either/or. Rather, the choice should be pragmatic, selecting the appropriate balance of judicial sanctions and therapy that will best end the stalking and reduce the chances of future recurrences (Mullen et al., 2000).

Thought for today

Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
   --- St. Francis of Assisi

Wednesday 15 September 2010

9 Ways to Study Smarter

After spending more years in school than I’d care to admit, I’ve begun taking on the role of tutor in my family. Sadly, most of the academic “problems” I encounter aren’t understood in light of the wealth of knowledge we have about learning, psychology, and organizational strategies.

Tuesday 14 September 2010

Welcome

Welcome to the latest development in the continuing story of Avalon Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre's online presence.